rick ray and robin

Aug
15th

Sat

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

— Thomas Edison

May
10th

Sun

this swag is crazy

Rick: Hey, thanks for sitting down with us for this interview, Jim.
Jim J0nes: ~_~
Rick: Jim.
Jim J0nes: =_=
Rick: I don't even know what that face means.
Jim J0nes: Heheheh...yeh man I mean. *snort* It ain't no thing, you kno? If it wasn't for you lil @#&&*s out here doin'....doin' it big for us big #$^&*ers, I wouldn't have a job. You heard?
Rick: Yeah, yeah. So what's it like, you know, to be so famous?
Jim J0nes: @_@
Jim J0nes: Hey, man it's like I told yO0 b4. I always think of dat quote by Obama, "I don't know what to say, so I'll just say what's in my heart... Baboom, Baboom, Baboom."
Rick: ...
Jim J0nes: $_$
Rick: Okay, that quote is from Mel Brooks.
Jim J0nes: Word?
Rick: That's not even anywhere remotely close to Obama. I think I get what you mean, though.
Jim J0nes: Heheh yeh. That...that do0d's swag is crazy. It's Cr@zy He's sky-high, yOo knoW?
Rick: Right. So, I hear you saying "swag" a lot. What's that all about?
Jim J0nes: Say sumthin'.
Rick: What?
Jim J0nes: Swag is...swag is mE. It's the personification of myself. You dig? Smell me? It's 9-to-five hustle that you just GOT. You can get it anywhere. Not sold in stoReS tho! You Hear? HEheheheh.
Rick: Ha.
Jim J0nes: You gotta StaY splasHy. It's crazy out here man. Crazy.
Jim J0nes: Yo man look tho. Why's your D0oD sittin' in a kiddie pooL?
Ray: HAHAH JIM. JIM. i filled this thing with Hennesey and used condoms. stay splashy Jim. stay splashy!
Jim J0nes: #_#
Rick: I think I've got a contact high.

May
9th

Sat

the most interesting man in the world

Most Interesting Man: My friends, Welcome.
Ray: sup man nice beard.
Rick: You're old.
Most Interesting Man: Congratulations on making it this far and finding my place of refuge, my Friends.
Ray: thank you.
Rick: We're at Burger King.
Ray: what are your thoughts on pickup lines?
Most Interesting Man: There's a time and a place for them.
Ray: ok, i'm listening.
Most Interesting Man: The time is never. I'll let you figure out the place on your own.
Rick: There's ketchup and half a pickle from your whopper on your shirt man..
Ray: hmm. Ft Lauderdale?
Most Interesting Man: Stay thirsty, my Friends.
Ray: ok, is that a metaphor or are you trying to sell us some dos equis?

May
8th

Fri

slumber

Ray: [*yawn*]
Ray: [*stretch*]
Ray: doooood. that was one bodacious slumber. i feel rejuvenated.
Rick: You slept for 4 months. And a little bit of the 5th. Only a jackass like you could pull it off. Or a bear.
Ray: you wish. dood it's January FIRST baby. time to open my XMAS GIFTS!
Rick: First of all...
Ray: why is it all sunny and warm?
Rick: It's 2:00 PM on May 8th.
Ray: damn I slept til 2? shiiit.
Rick: May 8th.
Ray: ...
Ray: did i....hibernate?
Rick: Don't say bodacious.

Dec
31st

Wed

cya 08 gunna miss you

Ray: i'm gunna miss writing 08 on all my docs n stuff.
Rick: What docs? I haven't seen you do anything productive in 20 years.
Ray: i wrote a couple of blog posts in february.
Rick: ...no you hired somebody off elance to write that stuff for you and then you never posted it and never paid the freelance writer.
Ray: i DID sign and date something though.
Rick: I guess you did submit that article to the New York Times called "Live Dat Dream '08". You ever hear back from them?
Ray: ohhh, right, thats what I signed and dated. I got a cease and desist order from them like 2 weeks later. I signed and dated it and sent it in to my lawyer.
Rick: You don't have a lawyer.
Ray: u said u signed me up for a lawyer dood.
Rick: I said that you don't have to sign up to LOITER. you were gunna try to sign up to loiter around the fire dept. in case they needed a volunteer fireman.
Ray: prolly one of my best ideas.
Rick: True.

Dec
26th

Fri

xmas2

Rick: I'm never drinking tequila again.
Rick: Ever.
Rick: It turned me into another PERSON last nite.
Ray: Is that why Santa was-
Rick: I SAID DON'T.

xmas

Rick: Promise me you'll never mention what happened yesterday ever again.
Ray: agreed.
Rick: [*silence*]
Ray: [*silence*]
Ray: but how the hell did Santa end up passed out and half naked underneath-
Rick: I SAID DON'T MENTION IT AGAIN.
Ray: ok.

Dec
14th

Sun

lars

Ray: DOOD Lars is comin in town tomorrow.
Rick: Holy shit man, LARS! I haven't seen that guy since Nam.
Ray: that guy's life is in a constant state of turmoil. i love it.
Rick: Back in highschool I wanted to be Lars so bad. He got all the girls and not just the fat ones.
Ray: that's kinda racist dood.
Rick: It's not racist. It's just in plain bad taste.
Ray: ok.

Dec
13th

Sat

life lessons

Ray: what is it Rick
Ray: what's the key to success?
Rick: Persistence, Ray. Persistence.
Ray: but what about when I keep on asking you the same question over and over and you tell me to shut the hell up?
Rick: hold on I'm reading somethin.
Ray: isn't that what you mean by persistent though? don't take no for an answer, etc?
Rick: shh, 1sec.
Ray: RICK!
Rick: RAY!!!!!!
Robin: Robin?

Dec
10th

Wed

we're no strangers to love

Ray: [*singing*] never gunna give you up
Ray: [*singing*] never gunna let you down
Ray: [*singing*] never gunna ruuuun arouuund
Ray: [*singing*] and desert youU!
Rick: What the hell are you singing.
Ray: Rick Astley.
Ray: [*singing*] Never gunna make you cry...
Rick: Why does that guy sound like a fat black man. He's 95 lbs, white, and has exaggerated Vince Vaughn hair.
Ray: that's racist dood u can't say shit like that.
Rick: ..wtf are you talking about?
Ray: you just called Rick Astley white. he's black. listen to the color of his voice not the tone of his skin. that's what MLK Jr was trying to say.
Rick: >_<

Dec
8th

Mon

10 things ray wants for xmas

Ray: in case your wondeirng what to get me for xmas..
Ray: 1. Tonya Harding's skates & the baseball bat she used to brutally beat Nancy Kerrigan
Ray: 2. Papa John's big movie meal deal
Ray: 3. another Arrested Development episode (or a movie)
Ray: 4. an xmas sweater with sequins
Ray: 5. a resolution on Heroes and a fucking show cancellation right after
Ray: 6. Uncle Cheddy's popc0rn
Ray: 7. Frank TV guy murdered
Ray: 8. OJ Simpson free again
Ray: 9. Lucky Charms
Ray: 10. Halle Berry
Rick: A resolution on Heroes would be nice. Yes, that's a threat.

Dec
7th

Sun

Bob Costas: I’m Bob Costas.
Rick: Hi Bob. Quite a grin you’ve got there.
Bob Costas: I’m Bob Costas.
Rick: Hi Bob.

economic stimulus package

Rick: If I hear one more company offering an "economic stimulus package" I'm going to vomit.
Ray: it's not a fuckin' stimulus package if you're asking us to pay you money.
Rick: Jackasses.

Dec
6th

Sat

good racist or bad racist

Ray: Tracy Morgan is the only reason 30rock's still good.
Rick: That's racist.
Ray: ya, but it's good racist not bad racist.
Rick: What the hell's the difference.
Ray: it's like Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder. that's good racist.
Rick: So what's bad racist?
Ray: Hitler.

Dec
3rd

Wed

family guy episode

Ray: Peter beats the shit out of Meg
Rick: Obscure reference to a semi-famous person
Ray: Quagmire strips naked
Rick: Random insult directed at Matthew McConaughey
Ray: Seth Green says somethin dumb as shit
Rick: Roll credits.